The Other Side Of Marriage

Ephesians 5:22-33 “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her...so husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.' This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”

There's been a lot said about the husband's role in the marriage. This is only right; after all, he has an enormous responsibility placed on his shoulders. He is called to love and lead his wife at the same time – this balance is not always an easy thing! On the one hand, the spiritual direction, physical security, and weighty decisions all fall squarely on his shoulders. On the other hand, he isn't allowed to be bitter or harsh toward his wife or treat her with misunderstanding. I believe that this is the largest calling any man can step into during his lifetime; it's the calling to represent Jesus' own love to his wife!

Having said this, there has been surprisingly few writings or discussions about the wife's side of marriage. There are far too many “real men do this...” and “real men do that...” quotes flying around – and they're usually written by women (or teenage girls) who are simply reiterating what they wished men would be like. When was the last time you saw a “real women...” quote? Have you ever seen one? We've given all the blame for failed marriages and relationships to the men involved, without realizing that the Bible's formula for marriage goes beyond “husbands, love your wives.”

Wives have a responsibility in their marriage too! To start with, let's look at three Biblical responsibilities of every born-again wife.

#1 – Submission
Ephesians 5:22-24 “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.”

This is probably one of the most ridiculed passages in the Bible. Today's society belittles this passage as chauvinistic, anti-woman, abusive and backwards. But, as believers we know this passage was written by the foremost Expert on marriage. God was the one who designed marriage, and let's just pretend that He knows what's best for us!

Remember how the husband has the responsibility of modeling Jesus' love for His church?
In the same way, the wife has the responsibility of modeling the church's submission to Jesus! We should be submissive to Jesus in everything, right? What if we don't agree with what He thinks is best for us? Should we still submit to what He wants? Of course we do! We submit to Jesus through trust – knowing that He loves us and wants what's best for us. This is the way a wife should submit to her husband. Whether she agrees or not – she should submit to him, trusting in his love for her.

#2 – Respect
Ephesians 5:33 “Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”

This verse is the ultimate summary of what every Christian marriage should look like.
Now, we all agree on what is being said to the husband. Inevitably, every failed marriage is blamed on the man's lack of love. While that may be the case sometimes, let's not forget that the woman is called to respect her husband in the same way that he is called to love her. In other words, a wife's respect for her husband should be unconditional, just like his love for her is to be unconditional.

Wife, do you want to have your husband's love only when you deserve it? Would you rather feel safe, knowing that he loves you no matter what – or would you want to constantly wonder about how he feels about you?

Remember this, your husband feels the same way about your respect toward him as you feel about his love toward you! Your marriage wouldn't last long without his love toward you, would it? Do you realize that there are marriages in danger because of the lack of respect towards the husband – probably as much as the lack of love towards the wife?

Women crave love – this is why the Bible tells husbands to love their wives.
Men crave respect – this is why the Bible tells wives to respect their husbands.
Men and women have been made differently. So is it really surprising that we look for different things from our marriages?

#3 – Phileo
Titus 2:4 “...that they admonish the younger women to love their husbands, to love their children,...”

If women were created to give and seek after love, then why would God have to remind them to love their husbands and children? The answer is found in the Greek word that is used in this verse. This isn't the kind of love that most would think of. It isn't the Greek word eros – or the romantic type of love. It isn't the word agapeo – or unconditional, God-kind of love. This word in Titus 2:4 is phileo – it simply means “friendly.”

In this passage, God is reminding wives to be friendly towards their husbands and children. Why would God have to remind them of this? Because the pressures of life, the overwhelming emotions that they feel, and the cares and concerns that weigh on the mind will sometimes pressure them into being “unfriendly.” It isn't intentional – it isn't due to the lack of love – it is simply because they're feeling overwhelmed!

God was – and still is – calling women to rise above what they feel, and live in the proper relationships that He made them for! This is as much of a challenge for them as the call to love is to a man – both of them take work and neither comes naturally. But, for those couples who choose to live God's way, the rewards are well worth the effort!