Dear Jenn...

Dear Jennifer, 

I wish I could spend more time with you than we have together right now...just the two of us. If you would let me, I would spend each moment telling you what I love and admire about you. I know you would just stop me (and that's actually one of the things I love about you, you're selfless!), so I thought I'd spend what time I have today telling you what it is about you that keeps me head over heels in love!

Let me start with the smallest reason I love you....because you're absolutely beautiful! Every part of you amazes me. To steal Solomon's expression, you're "altogether lovely." Your eyes hold me prisoner. Your smile brightens my entire day and gives me the strength to push through anything that may happen. Your hair frames your face better than the finest gold or silver. Your skin is like a magnet for my hands! Your body is put together so perfectly that I just find myself staring sometimes...The rest of this very personal paragraph has been edited for family reading. :)

Whew! You see how fast that heated up? That's what a minor thing like your physical appearance does to me! But that's just the beginning...

I love the way your sense of humor works. True, we may not always laugh at the same things or at the same time - usually because your humor is a little more sophisticated than mine. But when what we think is funny overlaps, and we start laughing together, it's priceless! I love those time when we can't stop laughing. I love it when we finally gain control over ourselves...only to lose it all over again when we look at each other! There isn't another person in the world that I laugh like that with! 

I love how you care for me. It's obvious to me that there's no one else you'd rather be around more than me. You always say the right things. You always have what I need taken care of. In fact, as I'm writing this, I can't think of the last time I had to ask you for anything! You always seem to know what I need and have it done before I know I need it!

That's not just true for me. The way you constantly care for our kids is yet one more reason I love you. You watch over them, love on them, teach them, and provide for them. True, the money may come from my paycheck, but if it were left to me....I wouldn't have a clue what to get for them or what they needed. You keep them in nice outfits, feed them the best meals, and give them the best stuff! These kids are so blessed to have a mom like you! More than anything I want for our kids...I want them to become just like you! 

 
I love your voice! When you sing, I forget about everything else... all I want to do is stop and listen. As awesome as it is to hear you leading praise and worship at church, it's just as good to hear you beside me. And it's not just singing! No other voice on earth moves me like yours! When you're talking to me, you never lose my attention. When you're excited about something, I can't help but be happy with you. When you're feeling down, your voice breaks my heart. No one else can affect me like this - with something as simple as the sound of your voice! 

These are just a few of the many things that I love about you. There has never been a time that you didn’t deserve every ounce of love I could give you – and I don’t anticipate any time in the future! However, I don’t love you just because you’re so loveable. If (and this is a huge IF!) you stopped every one of these things today…I would still love you. Do you know why? Because I’m following a model of unconditional love – Jesus Himself! He loves us whether we’ve done anything to deserve it or not. And that is exactly the kind of love I want to show you, Sweetie.

You're perfect for me, Jennifer. I know it was God Who brought you to me. And I always pay that I would be the husband you've always deserved. All I want to do is love you like Jesus loves us - to be so totally devoted to you that I lose track of my own life!

I know you've heard all this before. I wish I could come up with new things to say. But words just don't do justice to how you make me feel! Maybe fifty years from now, when I'm older and smarter, I'll have something more to say about how much I love you. Then again, that's fifty more years to come to love you more - so I'm probably going to be in this same predicament! 

I love you Jennifer...now and always!
Your husband

The Other Side Of Marriage

Ephesians 5:22-33 “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her...so husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.' This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”

There's been a lot said about the husband's role in the marriage. This is only right; after all, he has an enormous responsibility placed on his shoulders. He is called to love and lead his wife at the same time – this balance is not always an easy thing! On the one hand, the spiritual direction, physical security, and weighty decisions all fall squarely on his shoulders. On the other hand, he isn't allowed to be bitter or harsh toward his wife or treat her with misunderstanding. I believe that this is the largest calling any man can step into during his lifetime; it's the calling to represent Jesus' own love to his wife!

Having said this, there has been surprisingly few writings or discussions about the wife's side of marriage. There are far too many “real men do this...” and “real men do that...” quotes flying around – and they're usually written by women (or teenage girls) who are simply reiterating what they wished men would be like. When was the last time you saw a “real women...” quote? Have you ever seen one? We've given all the blame for failed marriages and relationships to the men involved, without realizing that the Bible's formula for marriage goes beyond “husbands, love your wives.”

Wives have a responsibility in their marriage too! To start with, let's look at three Biblical responsibilities of every born-again wife.

#1 – Submission
Ephesians 5:22-24 “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.”

This is probably one of the most ridiculed passages in the Bible. Today's society belittles this passage as chauvinistic, anti-woman, abusive and backwards. But, as believers we know this passage was written by the foremost Expert on marriage. God was the one who designed marriage, and let's just pretend that He knows what's best for us!

Remember how the husband has the responsibility of modeling Jesus' love for His church?
In the same way, the wife has the responsibility of modeling the church's submission to Jesus! We should be submissive to Jesus in everything, right? What if we don't agree with what He thinks is best for us? Should we still submit to what He wants? Of course we do! We submit to Jesus through trust – knowing that He loves us and wants what's best for us. This is the way a wife should submit to her husband. Whether she agrees or not – she should submit to him, trusting in his love for her.

#2 – Respect
Ephesians 5:33 “Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”

This verse is the ultimate summary of what every Christian marriage should look like.
Now, we all agree on what is being said to the husband. Inevitably, every failed marriage is blamed on the man's lack of love. While that may be the case sometimes, let's not forget that the woman is called to respect her husband in the same way that he is called to love her. In other words, a wife's respect for her husband should be unconditional, just like his love for her is to be unconditional.

Wife, do you want to have your husband's love only when you deserve it? Would you rather feel safe, knowing that he loves you no matter what – or would you want to constantly wonder about how he feels about you?

Remember this, your husband feels the same way about your respect toward him as you feel about his love toward you! Your marriage wouldn't last long without his love toward you, would it? Do you realize that there are marriages in danger because of the lack of respect towards the husband – probably as much as the lack of love towards the wife?

Women crave love – this is why the Bible tells husbands to love their wives.
Men crave respect – this is why the Bible tells wives to respect their husbands.
Men and women have been made differently. So is it really surprising that we look for different things from our marriages?

#3 – Phileo
Titus 2:4 “...that they admonish the younger women to love their husbands, to love their children,...”

If women were created to give and seek after love, then why would God have to remind them to love their husbands and children? The answer is found in the Greek word that is used in this verse. This isn't the kind of love that most would think of. It isn't the Greek word eros – or the romantic type of love. It isn't the word agapeo – or unconditional, God-kind of love. This word in Titus 2:4 is phileo – it simply means “friendly.”

In this passage, God is reminding wives to be friendly towards their husbands and children. Why would God have to remind them of this? Because the pressures of life, the overwhelming emotions that they feel, and the cares and concerns that weigh on the mind will sometimes pressure them into being “unfriendly.” It isn't intentional – it isn't due to the lack of love – it is simply because they're feeling overwhelmed!

God was – and still is – calling women to rise above what they feel, and live in the proper relationships that He made them for! This is as much of a challenge for them as the call to love is to a man – both of them take work and neither comes naturally. But, for those couples who choose to live God's way, the rewards are well worth the effort!

“One thing every husband (or would-be husband) needs to know is this: love is a commitment, not a feeling. We should never love our wives for what they do, how they make us feel, how they look, or even who they are. That kind of love is shallow and subject to change. As husbands, we love our wives simply because God tells us to!

This kind of love brings safety into marriage - meaning your wife can trust you to always love her, whether she makes you happy or mad. This is the kind of (unconditional) love that God shows us; and it’s our responsibility to demonstrate this in our marriage.

When you make the choice to love your wife - without waiting for the right ‘feelings’ - that choice will produce the kind of joy and happiness that every couple is looking for.”

Don't Look, Don't Touch!

Exodus 20:14 “You shall not commit adultery.”

This is pretty clear, right? Any married person having sex outside of that marriage covenant is a clear violation of God’s law. Make no mistake about this. It doesn’t matter how your spouse is treating you, it doesn’t matter if you’ve “fallen in love” with someone else, it doesn’t matter what you want or what you feel - any sexual relations outside of your marriage covenant is wrong!

We live in a society that places little to no value on commitment and way too much value on emotions. Your covenant with your husband or wife wasn’t intended to be based on emotions. Your love - and your fidelity - should be based on what you promised, not what you feel at any given moment.

Adultery is serious. It’s devastating. It destroys lives and tears families apart. It carries from one generation to the next like a disease. Many thousands of men and women, even people who were strong in faith and used mightily by God, have fallen to the sin of adultery...and God hates it!

The consequences of adultery are tragic.

Proverbs 6:32 “Whoever commits adultery with a woman lacks understanding; he who does so destroys his own life.” Do you see that? Adultery destroys your life.

1 Corinthians 6:9-10 “Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers...will inherit the kingdom of God.“ Adultery keeps you out of the kingdom of God.

Proverbs 6:34 “For jealousy is a husband’s fury; Therefore he will not spare in the day of vengeance.” There are always consequences of adultery - In this world (with other people) as well as the next (standing before God).

Listen to what Hebrews 13:4 says, “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.” There is no question here, God will judge adulterers. Why does He hate adultery so much? Because He intended marriage to mirror His relationship with the church. You see, marriage isn’t a two-way contract - it has three partners. You, your spouse and God. God is always faithful to us, He never fails us. He keeps His promises and His covenant and He expects us to do the same! This is the type of covenant He created marriage to be, faithful and unconditional!

For most people, it’s obvious that going outside of your marriage covenant for sexual gratification is wrong. We can see that there are drastic consequences for adulterers. But what we don’t seem to realize is that God’s command against adultery doesn’t only apply to our actions - it is also binding on our very thoughts. Jesus said this in Matthew 5:27-28: “You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.“ Wow...Jesus just told us that a lustful look is going to be judged the same way as a physical act!

God has poured out His grace on us and has empowered us to live a godly life. Because of this, He expects us to go further than mere outward obedience. Now He expects obedience from the heart. He expects us to do more than abstain from illegal relations - now He expects us to guard our hearts and our eyes. Job had insight on this even before Jesus came. This is what he said in Job 31:1 “I made a covenant with my eyes not to look with lust at a young woman.”

There is one more side to adultery that often goes unspoken. This is the spiritual side of adultery. You see, when we were born again, we committed our lives to God. We entered into a covenant of grace, commitment, and loyalty. When we made Him Lord, we made a promise to serve Him exclusively. But so many of us break this promise and go outside of our covenant with God to find satisfaction. We break our commitment and begin to “cheat” on God for the thrills of sin. Listen to what James tells us in his letter: “Adulterers and adulteresses! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Whoever therefore wants to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God.“ Whenever we take God’s plan and passion for our life, and mix it with the way the world does things - we become spiritual adulterers.

While I’m writing this, I know that there will be people who will nod their head and mentally agree with every word - but then go right back to what they were doing before. So listen to this closing statement from Romans 2:22, and take it to heart: “You who say, ‘Do not commit adultery (those of you who agree with everything you’re reading right now),’ do you commit adultery (in action, in thought, or in spirit)?”

Responsibility Of A Husband

Ephesians 5:22,25 “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord... Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church...”

Many husbands know the verse 22 better than they know verse 25. They’re adamant about the respect and submission that their wives are always lacking. Unfortunately for them, verse 22 was only written to their wives, not to them. God never said, “Husbands, make sure your wife submits to you.” His command for submission and respect was to the wife, it has nothing to do with the husband! Guys, you’ll never have to answer for her lack of submission. You will have to answer for verse 25 though; how are you treating her?

Sure - she’s responsible for submitting to and respecting you. That’s God’s command to her as a wife. But that’s between God and her. It’s not your responsibility and it’s not what I’m writing about today.

You are called to love her, and there are no conditions attached to that! No matter how she acts, no matter what her attitude is like, whether you think she deserves it or not - your Lord and Savior commanded you to love her. That’s your responsibility, and it became your primary calling on the day of your wedding. You don’t get sick days, vacation time, or credible excuses. Your God commanded you to love her!

You’re called to love your wife in the same way that Jesus loves us.

Faithfully. Jesus is always faithful to us. He’s never left us, never failed us, and never cheated on us. His entire focus is on us. Romans 8:34 says that He ever-lives to pray for us. We are constantly on His mind! This is the way you’re called to love your wife. You must be so faithful to her, and focused on her, that there is no room in your heart or mind for anyone else.

Selflessly. Jesus’ love for us is selfless. When He came to this earth, He never once questioned His mission. He knew that He was going to the cross, but you never see Him say things like, “But what about me?” No, He gladly laid down His life out of love for us! John 15:13 says, “Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.” This kind of love is sacrificial. It’s not only about dying for someone, it’s about laying down your life for theirs. This type of love is evident when you abandon your desires for the sake of your wife. When you yield your hobbies, ambitions, and your interests to make your wife happy - you start showing Jesus’ kind of love.

Progressively. Jesus’ love for us makes us better. He always seeks our improvement, without ever condemning us for our weaknesses. You see, Jesus always sees who we could be in the future without ever  loving us less for who we are now. Too many husbands are critical of their wives’ weaknesses. This is wrong! True, our love and leadership should always be changing our wives. True, we may see things that our wives could improve on. But who are we to criticize? Don’t we have areas like that too? Aren’t you glad that Jesus doesn’t jump on us when we make mistakes the way some guys jump on their wives? We must help our wives grow while covering their weaknesses with love. You can be sure of this; if you love your wife unconditionally for who she is now, the growth (in both of your lives) will almost take care of itself.

Above all, your love for her must be unconditional. It should be an unchanging reflection of Jesus’ love for you.

Colossians 3:19 NLT “Husbands, love your wives and never treat them harshly.”